迷惑オヤジ

2008-11-26 (水)
- 或る日常の風景

山手線はいつものように渋谷駅に着き、多くの乗客が乗り降りしています。
ここ最後尾の車両であっても例外ではなく。

そんな日常の山手線で見た、なんとも迷惑なオヤジの話。

そのオヤジは携帯電話を操作しながら駅ホームに降りようと歩き出した。
別になんということもない光景。

どうやらオヤジに他の乗客がぶつかったらしい。
その瞬間オヤジの手から携帯電話がスルリと離れ、重力に従って床に1バウンド。そしてそのまま電車とホームの隙間に吸い込まれていった。私の目の前で。

「あああああ~~、落っことしちゃった~~」

入れる前に出しちゃったような(←何の話だ)なんとも情けない声を車両中に響かせて、オヤジはホームに飛び出していった。
あーあ、前を見ないで歩くから。

        ________
      /             \
     /                \
   /   /・\     /・\   \
  /   /    \   /    \   \
 |      ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄    ̄ ̄ ̄ ̄     |
 |         (__人__)        |
 |            \    |         |
  \          \   |       /
   \          \_|     /
 ─┐||┌─┐ l ─  ‐┼‐   ‐┼‐ヽ l  ノ │ .|  |   ‐┼‐ ‐┼‐
       日  フ 口  メ   __|__  フ |┬   |  |   ‐┼‐  d
(__   .六  ↑ .田  (___  (丿 ) ↑.ノ│  ノ  ヽ__ノ (丿\ ノ

もうそのオヤジの情けない声だけでm9(^Д^)プギャーと腹抱えて笑いそうだったが、そこは懸命に堪えもん。
他人の不幸はなんとやら。

ちょうど戸袋で私の位置からオヤジの姿は見辛かったものの、少し身を乗り出してみると、手提げ袋をホームに放り出して心配そうに電車とホームの隙間をのぞき込んでいる(※1)のが見えた。

(※1)のぞき込んでいる……○| ̄|_ ←ちょうどこんな感じ。

というか邪魔だ。電車が動かないだろうが。諦めるかとっとと駅員呼べ。はた迷惑な奴ではある。

一通り乗客の移動が終わった山手線は何事もなかったかのように扉を閉め、渋谷駅を出発した……刹那、すさまじい勢いで急ブレーキをかけた。

「急停車します。ご注意下さい。急停車します……」

車内に自動アナウンスが流れ、吊革に掴まっていないと投げ出されそうになった。電車は10mほど走ったところで停止。

悪いときには悪いことが重なるものだ。
いったい何事かあったのかと乗客全員が車掌からの情報を待つべく聞き耳を立てていた。車内は空気が張りつめて沈黙が支配した。

1分ほどして車掌から、
「え~、ただいま渋谷駅で線路に人が降りたため電車は急停車致しました~」

車両の一角にいたサラリーマン集団が「ぜってー、あいつだよ」「そうだよな!」。わっと盛り上がった。
自分もそう思った。間違いない。
窓からホームを見てみれば、こんなにいるのか!と思ってしまうほど駅員やら警備員がいっせいに走り出したのが見えた。

ふ ざ け る な よ。クソオヤジが。電車が止まったじゃねーか。

どんだけ迷惑かけてんだよ、こいつは。
続いてホームにいた駅員からは構内全域に聞こえるような音量で

「え~、お客様にご案内致します。線路に物を落としたときは駅係員までご連絡下さい。線路には下りないで下さい。」

公開説教プレイのおまけつき。

そして電車はゆっくり渋谷駅のホームを出発した。きっと今頃あの迷惑オヤジは集まった駅員や警備員に大目玉をくらっているだろう。

 迷惑オヤジの不幸で今日も飯がうまい!!
    +        ____    +
      +   /⌒  ⌒\ +
   キタ━━━//・\ ./・\\━━━━!!!!
    +   /::::::⌒(__人__)⌒:::::\  +
        |  ┬   トェェェイ     | 
     +  \│   `ー'´     /    +
     _|\∧∧∧MMMM∧∧∧/|_
     >                  <
   /  ─ /  /_ ──┐ヽ|  |ヽ  ム ヒ | |
 \/  ─ / / ̄ /   /  | ̄| ̄ 月 ヒ | |
  ノ\ __ノ   _ノ   \   / | ノ \ ノ L_い o o

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