分不相応

2008-11-24 (月)
- 或る日常の風景

恒例の安比スノーボードツアーまであと1ヶ月にせまった頃。 前会社の先輩M澤さん企画「スノーボード用品買い出し大商談会」に参加することにしました。

先輩から譲り受けたウェアやら安価で購入したボードなど一通り道具は揃っていたので、いまさら買う物などないように思えましたが、数少ない自分で購入した物品の一つゴーグルがどうにも小さくて困っていたのを思い出したもので。今回はそのゴーグルをターゲットに。

……別に安いやつでいいだろ。

どうせお茶の水を延々と歩き回って品物を決めるのだろうから、少しぐらい遅刻しても構わないだろう。とタカをくっていた。

仲間内では、金に糸目をつけずに買い物しまくることを「祭り」と称したりする。

人の買い物を見るのは楽しい。
特にそれが高価なものであればあるほど。自分の財布が痛まない上に、自分が大金を使った気分に浸れてしまう。買えば買うほど祭りは盛り上がる。

集合時間より10分程遅刻して行ったものの、みんなに合流した時には後輩のS田君はもう店員と値段交渉をしていた。久々に会ったメンバーに挨拶をする間もなく交渉成立。
「ちょっと銀行にお金をおろしに行ってきますわ」
そう言い残すと彼は店を出ていった。

もう祭りは終了ですか……(´・ω・`)ショボーン

相変わらず彼は気持ちの良い買い方をする。万円を越える買い物になるとアレコレと逡巡(※1)して、結局何も買わない自分とは大違いだ。

(※1)アレコレと逡巡……昔は3,000円のCDを買うのに2時間悩んだりしていた。当時の貧乏癖が今も抜けない。

「……で、今日は何を買うんですか?」
N地君が話を振ってきた。ゴーグルのことを伝え、みんなでゴーグル売場へ。
今がシーズンということもあり、店内にはそれこそ無数のゴーグルが所狭しと並んでいた。値段もまさに千差万別。5,000円ぐらいのやつから2万円近いものまである。

正直どれが良いのかサッパリわからん。同じゴーグルなのになぜこんなに価格差があるのかも。M澤先輩に聞けば、今シーズンのトレンド(※2)は小さいゴーグルなのだという。

(※2)今シーズンのトレンド……ボード装備にはシーズン毎に色や形の流行があるらしい。道理でみんな頻繁に買い換える訳だ。

……あ、そもそも。ゴーグルが小さいから買い換えを考えたのだけど。こんなことなら事前調査をしてくれば良かったな。
今さらながら自分の無計画さを悔やんだ。

ここは素直にベテラン3人に意見を求めることにした。
「お前のはボードが黒色で、ビンディング(※3)は赤色だろ……うーん」
「ウェアの色ってどんなのでしたっけ?」
「下がグレーで上が茶色だよ。」

(※3)ビンディング……ボードにブーツを固定するための留め具

(装備品を買うのに色を合わせるのか。そんなこと考えもしなかった)

さすがはベテランの諸先輩方。以前聞いた「スノーボードはファッションである」という格言をなんとなく思い出した。

「やっぱりゴーグルはウェアに合わせないと」
「そうですね」
じゃぁ、ウェアを見に行こうか
「は?」
「そうそう、見に行くだけだから!」

なんだか話がおかしな方向になってきた。
まるで、さほど親しくない女の子を自分の家に泊めたい時に使う台詞のようだ。何もしないから、と言って何もしないわけがない。見に行くだけ、と言って……(以下略)

その売場はウェアのジャングルのようだった。
色とりどり(しかもなぜか原色一色が多かった)のウェアが隙間がないほどぶら下がっていた。"ツナギ"コーナーはその一角にあった。

ウェアには上下が分かれているタイプと、"ツナギ"と呼ばれる上下が一体となった種類が存在する。スノーボード界では"ツナギ"が流行っているのだという。……これ、どうやってトイレに行くんだ?

「これだ!これマジでオススメ!ちょっと着てみて」
そう言ってM澤さんがチョイスしたのは、なんと水色(しかも蛍光色)一色

(これ間違いなくネタで選んでいるだろ……常考)

ダメ、絶対に。
密かに誓った。

試着室から出てみれば、皆一同に沈黙

「……意外に悪くないな」

やっぱりネタだったのか!確かに色々な意味でインパクトは絶大ではあるが……どう考えてもネタだろう。これを考えたデザイナー、ちょっとここへ来い。

試着室で脱いでいると、「次はこれ着てみて」とカーテンの隙間から手が伸びてきて違うウェアを渡された。
そのウェアを着て鏡を見てると、

(悪くない……)
まんざらでもなかった。次のウェアは白基調に薄い緑色の斑模様がしつらえてあった。こっちはN地君の本気チョイス。

「悪くない……と思う」
「でしょ?俺が本気で選びましたから」
「でも、それだと雪山で遭難したらまず死にますよ」
「じゃぁさ、さっきの水色とこの白。どっちがいい?

恐るべき詭弁論法。いつの間にかウェアを買わねばならない状況に追い込まれていることを悟った。
……今日はゴーグルを見に来ただけなのですけど。

確かにN地君チョイスの白色は良かった。
しかし雪山に行けば確実に透明人間。はぐれたり遭難したら誰も助けに来てくれない。
それに比べて水色は鮮烈だ。
恐らく最初に披露したときのインパクトはディープインパクト級。しかし毎回親切に驚いてくれるわけもなく。ディープインパクトはそのうち未勝利馬になってしまうだろう。その後に残るのは……後悔。

というか自分も購入する方向に洗脳されてる!
他のウェアを見渡せば、水色や白ばかりではない。紺や黒といった「大人の色」もある。

「この紺色なんてどうでs……」
「その色は他の人と被るからダメ」

即答された。
要するによくボードに行く他のメンバーとウェアの色が被るからNGというのだ。なんとも理不尽ではあるが、大枚を叩くからにはお披露目のインパクトが重要なのである。購入が後になればなるほど選択肢は狭くなる……。
水色と白は誰も着ていないからこそ勧められた。
そりゃ、水色なんて誰も着ねーよな

「これ、どうですか!」
S田君が指さす先には落ち着いた色ながら、しかもメンバーの誰も着ていない色のウェアがそこにあった。
「この高貴な色。最高位の色ですよ」
「一説には性的欲求不満の色とも言われているけどね!」
「……それなら許す」

どうやら退路は完全にふさがれてしまっていた。ゴーグルを見に来ただけなのに。

これぞ分不相応の極み。
……どうするんだ。いったい。

おまけ:
神保町に雨にも関わらず行列ができているたい焼き屋(神田達磨)を発見。M澤さんが奢ってくれました。
"たい焼き"のクセに周囲の皮がビロビロくっついているので、なんて手抜きなたい焼き屋なんだろう……と思っていたが、どうやらこういうものらしい。

神田達磨 fig.皮がついている"たい焼き"

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